


barry's chemical romance

by goinghost



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Barry Bluejeans Appreciation Club, Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, F/M, i just wanna repeat: there is no sex, lup's mysteriously unaffected huh how weird, sex pollen but instead of sex it's just love and appreciation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 05:34:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16867069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goinghost/pseuds/goinghost
Summary: Barry would do a lot in the name of science.---Barry eats something weird, Taako hugs much more than normal, Lup hides something important just a bit longer





	barry's chemical romance

**Author's Note:**

> i have no excuse for this. i wrote most of this many many months ago and i accidentally found it while cleaning out my google drive and decided to finish it. i thought it'd be fun! i believe i got the idea from a tumblr post but i can't even begin to go searching for it, it's been so long since i started writing it. if you know the post then please send it to me on tumblr (i'm ghostzvne) or twitter (@GHOSTZVNE) 
> 
> so....everyone loves barry bluejeans, including me. if you like barry and want a slightly more serious fic then might i suggest my barry character study also on this account! i have it on good authority that it's "good" 
> 
> title is a play off of "my chemical romance" because i did a twitter poll and that's what won

Barry would do a lot in the name of science.

Sometimes it led to some...we’ll call them “situations”—but it was all with the express purpose of learning and understanding more about the worlds they visited. They only had a year in each plane, so Barry only had a year to gain as much information as he could, and if that meant, say, eating a piece of incredibly interesting fruit that the locals refused to give them any information about besides, “it probably won’t kill you,” said in snickering tones, well, who was he to get in the way of the spirit of discovery? 

Which is why he was currently on the deck of the Starblaster, admiring the pink and blue cotton candy sky (and wondering what made it so) when Taako came up behind him and  _ hugged him _ . 

Immediately alarm bells rang in Barry’s mind. Taako was hugging him.  _ Taako  _ was  _ hugging  _ him. Hugging  _ him _ . How many more italics did he need to emphasize that something was very wrong here. 

“You smell  _ amazing _ ,” he said, muffled into Barry’s back, no nickname accompanying it, no  _ Bluejeans  _ or  _ Barold  _ to soften the emotional blow of the hug and the compliment. 

“Uh,” because Barry didn’t know what else to say. He squirmed a bit out of Taako’s arms and gave him a onceover as subtley as he could. He sure looked like Taako. There was no weird alien leech sucking at his brain. In fact, he was practically glowing, he looked so...satisfied. And that’s when Barry noticed that his pupils were blown wide and there was a thin sheen of sweat on his skin. So something was definitely wrong here.

Taako continued to inch closer to Barry, reaching out for him in an obvious and very  _ un-Taako  _ way. “Is that new cologne? Think you can hook me up?”

“I’m not—I showered? Last night?”

“Well you did something right,” Taako said with a—oh gods—flirtatious smile. This wasn’t happening. This was  _ not  _ happening. Besides the fact that Barry wasn’t interested in Taako like that, nor had he ever been, he was also  _ very  _ interested in Taako’s  _ twin sister  _ which would make this whole thing  _ very  _ weird. 

“Are you okay?” He asked as Taako leaned into him and took a painfully obvious whiff of his hair. 

Taako was getting uncomfortably close now. “Just peachy now that I’m here with you.”

“Okay,” Barry backed up against the railing, “Have you had anything...weird to eat? Breathed in any strange gases? Injected some kind of drug?”

“Nope,” he said, popping the ‘p’, “No drug in my system but you, baby.”

“Taako,” Barry said helplessly as Taako ran a finger up his arm, “I think something is wrong with you. We need to get you to Merle, okay?”

“Whatever you say, s’long as you’re coming too.”

Barry nodded and grabbed Taako’s hand before he thought better of it. Taako looked delighted. “Right. C’mon.” 

He led Taako into the ship, bypassing the infirmary in favor of going straight to Merle’s room. The locals here, while pranksters who worshipped some kind of trickster god, weren’t violent and had given them the Light easy enough— besides some minor goofs sparking up here and there—so there weren’t a lot of injuries this cycle. Merle preferred to spend his time tending to the plants he kept covering every surface of his quarters instead of rechecking the potions they had stocked over and over again. 

He knocked but didn’t bother waiting for an answer. It was cycle 29 and, after living with someone for 29 years, pretenses like knocking fell to the wayside. 

The minute he saw Merle, he knew something was wrong. It took a few seconds to connect in his brain, but suddenly Merle was looking at him the same way Taako was. Just like Taako, he looked happier than ever, with huge pupils and a layer of sweat covering his face. He was grinning like Merle normally grinned, but there was something in it just under the surface that made Barry uncomfortable. Something animalistic. 

“Barry!” He exclaimed, too loud for the tiny room, “Just the man I wanted to see. What can I do for ya?”

“It’s Taako, he—uh, is something wrong?”

“Wrong? Oh no, nothing like that. No, I just wanted your opinion on something science-y since you’re such a smart science guy. Full of wisdom, reminds me of myself a little. Always knowing just what to do, experimenting and such. Very impressive.”

Barry stared. “O...kay. Merle, are you sure nothing’s wrong. You haven’t had anything weird to eat or anything have you?”

“Nothing weird, just some leftover stew from last night, the one you helped make. You did such a fantastic job, by the way, Taako and Lup should have you help them out more often.” 

“The old man’s right,” Taako said, “You should absolutely help us in the kitchen more.” 

Yeah, something was definitely going on. Barry had “helped” last night by passing the twins various ingredients because they’d both been shocked by temporary anti-magic buzzers earlier that day so Mage Hand and Levitate were out of the question. He’d done exactly what they’d told him to do and nothing else, having no hand in the actual cooking process. And even then, Taako had barely trusted him to do his job, double checking everything he was passed before dropping it in the pot. He definitely wouldn’t invite Barry  _ back _ . 

“Okay. Okay, I’m gonna go—uh—gonna go see if anyone else is back from their day out on the town. You guys just stay right here, alright?” 

Taako and, more surprisingly, Merle pouted in unison, but nodded. 

“If that’s what you want,” Taako said. 

“Yeah, you know what you’re doing,” Merle said. 

Barry nodded, “Yes, it’s what I want. I’ll be right back.” and he hightailed it out of the room, almost running into Lup in the hall. 

He quickly checked her over for any sign of the...whatever was going on with Taako and Merle. To his relief, she looked normal (well, Lup was always incredibly beautiful and the sight of her sent butterflies all throughout his body, but she looked normal for her).

“‘Sup?"

“Lup!” He winced and backed out of her personal space. “Sorry, I just—super glad to see you being normal. Not that you’re—you know, not normal, just that like—there’s something going on and it’s really weird and—and you don’t seem affected by it so—”

“Slow down, Barold. From the beginning.”

“I think something’s wrong with Taako and Merle.”

Lup’s eyes hardened, “What?”

“Their pupils are blown out and they’re really hot and they keep...being really nice to me? Taako said  _I_ should help y'all cook—"

“ _ What? _ ”

“—yeah, and Merle called me smart a bunch and now they’re both in Merle’s room. I think they might’ve eaten some weird thing the locals gave them as a joke, or maybe they’ve been poisoned or, really it could be anything, maybe a gas they breathed in, we don’t know but—”

“Is that what that weird smell is?” Lup asked, bringing a hand up around her mouth and nose as if to stop it.

Barry paled, “What weird smell?”

“You can’t smell it? It’s really strong.”

“Taako—he said something about a smell too.” Barry walked over to a closet near the end of the hall and opened it up. Sure enough, there were seven gas masks waiting for him. He grabbed a few and handed one to Lup. “Just to be safe,” he said. 

She nodded and put it on, making her way to Merle’s room and throwing open the door. “Alright, dingus, what did you breathe in?”

“Lup?” Taako looked up, dazed, “Have you seen Barry, he said to—Oh, Barry! Super glad you’re back, I missed you way more than Merle.”

“Nuh-uh, I missed him more.”

“Yeah, nah, I defo missed him more.” 

“Well, I—”

“Hey, both of you, it’s okay. It’s—uh, good to be back.” Barry gave Lup a pleading look like  _ see what I mean _ as he passed out two gas masks and motioned for them to put them on. They obeyed with no protests. 

Lup nodded once the masks were on. “So, Taako, Merle, pissed off any of the locals today?”

They both looked at Barry as if waiting for him to say it was okay to answer. He nodded and said, “You can tell her whatever she asks.” Just to cover all his bases. 

Merle shook his head, “Nope, I’ve been here this whole time, it’s pruning day.”

“And I just woke up,” Taako said. 

“Babe, it’s, like, four o’clock.” 

Taako nodded in an agreeable fashion after a glance at Barry, “Yeah, and I just woke up.” 

Lup looked at him and Merle, then at Barry. She made a gesture towards the hall like  _ let’s go talk _ and Barry agreed. 

“We’re gonna go...talk,” he said. “You guys keeps those masks on and definitely don’t leave this room until we figure something out.” 

“You got it,” Taako smiled. Merle nodded. 

Barry and Lup stepped out of the room and immediately Lup said, “I think this is some kind of weird prank.”

“Yeah, definitely something fishy the locals are pulling.”

“I don’t know why they decided to make our crew fall in love with you or whatever, but I bet the others will be the same unless we get ‘em in gas masks before they set foot on the Starblaster.”

Barry went to the closet to grab some more masks, trying very hard not to think about the fact that even whatever weird chemical the locals had put in the air of their ship couldn’t get Lup to have feelings for him. “Yeah,” he said, “Yeah, we’ll catch ‘em before they go up the gangplank.”

They both went to the entrance of the Starblaster, masks in hand, and waited for the crew to arrive. They didn’t have to wait long, the sun was setting and places in town were beginning to close. Barry would Message an explanation into their minds before they got too close to the ship and give them a mask. 

Magnus was the first to show up, wearing an ungodly neon green sweater that he seemed to have acquired from somewhere in town. He wordlessly put on the mask when he was close enough to take it, but Barry and Lup quickly realized it was too late when his pupils dilated. 

“Barry! Buddy,” he clapped a hand on Barry’s back, “I think we’ll all be fine, if you’re on the case. You’ll figure out what’s going on and how to fix it for sure, since you’re, you know, super fucking smart and everything.”

“Thanks Magnus,” Barry sighed. “Means a lot. 

Whatever was happening, it wasn’t going to be as easy a fix as putting on a gas mask.

 

* * *

 

“Who ate it?”

Barry blinked, not expecting or understanding the question. After it became clear that everyone on the Starblaster was affected by some kind of chemical besides him and Lup, they’d called a meeting with the townspeople of the nearest village to try to figure out what kind of trick they were playing (because it was definitely a prank). 

The people this cycle didn’t have a very structured government as far as the crew could tell, but there were community leaders that people looked up to and respected enough to listen to. Usually. And one of these leaders was staring at Barry with the most shit-eating grin on her face. 

“Excuse me?” Lup said, not even trying to hide how irritated she was. 

“The—” and she said a word that Barry couldn’t even hope to recreate with his own mouth. “But most people here call it the fondness fruit, or ol’ fondy, or Aunt Fonda, et cetera et cetera.”

“Fondness fruit?” Barry asked. 

The leader (Barry couldn’t remember her name for the life of him) gave him a  _ look _ , “Sev told me they gave it to you this morning. ‘Course, we all had different bets on who was gonna actually end up eating it. I assume it wasn’t you or her, since you’re both fine, looks like. Was it the big guy? If it was the big guy then like six people owe me money now.” 

“No it wasn’t—I ate the fruit from this morning. Are you telling me that that’s what’s causing this?”

A deep voice from the back of the room shouted, “Alright, everyone pay up!” And a few people shuffled around, money changing hands as a couple people won bets. After a few minutes of this, the leader turned her attention back on Barry and Lup, who were both dumbstruck.

“So you ate it?” she asked. “And she’s—” she looked at Lup, “Oh,” she held the ‘o’ for longer than necessary. “I see. Hm, interesting.”

Lup looked a few seconds away from lighting something on fire, “What?”

The leader (Ara? Ari?) giggled, “Nothing you won’t discover on your own.” Aris (it’s gotta be Aris, right?) clapped her hands, “I assume you want the cure now that you’ve figured it out.”

“Oh good, there’s a cure,” Barry sighed, relief obvious in his voice.

“Duh, why do you think we’re not all falling over ourselves to serve you.”

“So this thing does make people fall in love with you?” Lup asked. 

“More like extreme infatuation, but yeah, more or less. They become super agreeable, do what you say, super want to jump your bones if they’re into that.” Aris laughed again, “The works.”

“But how come Lup isn’t affected?” 

Aris snickered, “Must’ve had the cure sometime in the past 24 hours. It’s a root vegetable that we cook in a lot of food, so maybe she picked it up in town or something.”

“Yeah,” Lup nodded, “I think I remember eating something like that this morning.”

“See, perfectly reasonable explanation for why she isn’t falling over herself to serve you. No other reason,” Aris continued snickering. 

“Wh—”

“ _ Anyway _ ,” Lup said, cutting Barry off, “Where can we get some of this vegetable?”

Aris called out to a woman in the crowd, “Jessa! You still make that stew?”

The woman, Jessa, stepped through the throng of people. She had a piece of straw sticking out of her mouth, “For a price.”

“Name it,” Lup demanded. 

Jessa smiled and Barry became very afraid.

 

* * *

On the plus side, they got the cure. Everyone in the crew was incredibly thankful to not be falling over themselves to please Barry, especially Taako, who was already planning with Lup on how to get the locals back for this bad bad prank. Taako had given Lup an unreadable Twin Look™ when he found out she hadn’t been affected, continuing to stare at her even after Barry explained it was because she’d eaten the cure earlier in the day. 

Regrettably though, there was the matter of the price Jessa had mentioned. Barry was currently paying it. He was working at Jessa’s restaurant, only required to do an hour long shift, which, in any other situation, wouldn’t be so bad. Except for the fact that he was currently doing it in his underwear. 

He supposes it could be worse. He could be naked. It wouldn’t be so bad if he could just wear his jeans. He might as well have been naked without his jeans. At least Lup wasn’t there with him watching him make a fool of himself trying to play host as every customer laughed at him to his face.

_ It’s only an hour, Bluejeans _ , he thought,  _ only an hour. _

 

* * *

 

19 cycles later, Barry and Lup lay in bed wrapped up in each other. They should’ve been tired considering what they were just doing but both felt wide awake. Barry didn’t want to break the silence, worried he’d shatter the perfect moment. 

Lup broke it for him, “You remember cycle 29?”

Barry laughed at the seemingly out-of-nowhere conversation thread, “Yeah? We got the Light early that cycle, right?”

Lup nodded, “Yep,” she paused for a moment, “That was the one with the trickster god worshipping locals.”

“Oh yeah, and the—that was the one with the fondness fruit.”

“Ol’ fondy,” Lup said knowingly. 

Barry’s turn to nod, “I remember.” He shifted a little, making sure to keep her close, “Any reason you brought it up?”

“Well, I thought I’d come clean and say the reason I didn’t get super infatuated with you when you ate that fruit is because I was maybe kind of a little in love with you already.”

Barry couldn’t help it, he burst out laughing. “That was nineteen years ago, Lup!”

Lup pulled back a little to cuff him on the shoulder, “As if you weren’t all over all  _ this,  _ Bluejeans.” She said, gesturing to herself, “Don’t think Taako hasn’t told me that he tried to talk you into asking me out in, like, cycle 21, babe.” 

“Well, yeah, but I’ve always been one to fall hopelessly in love with every beautiful person I meet. I’d expect more decorum from Lup Taaco herself.” He was still laughing and she was laughing too and it was such a wonderful sound that Barry couldn’t stand to not be kissing her anymore. 

A few hours later—well into the morning—they stayed cuddled up to each other, Barry playing with Lup’s curls as she lay her head on his stomach. As per every morning nowadays, they both wondered how they’d gotten so lucky. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks so much for reading this silly silly fanfiction
> 
> check me out on [twitter (where i'm very active)](https://www.twitter.com/GHOSTZVNE) or [tumblr (where i'm significantly less active)](https://www.ghostzvne.tumblr.com)


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